Blog archive July 2010
i haven't done much posting since last september, and i've been meaning to do this particular post since april - here's why. work took a heavy turn in october, very long hours and huge emotional stress, many sleepless nights and days of acute anxiety. i managed to complete the project, but christmas wasn't enough time to recover, and in january i was heading into a new work situation i wasn't happy about. matters came to a head in mid-february, the doctor signed me off work for a couple of weeks and it was clear i had come very close to a complete mental and physical breakdown. indeed there had been times last autumn when a heart attack seemed likely - i had really burned myself out.
however, my crisis caused instant changes in my work situation that might have taken months to achieve otherwise [not that i'm advocating nervous breakdown as a strategy, but it worked for me... ;) ]. feeling liberated, i bounced back surprisingly quickly and have huge energy for my current project - just as well because it needs it. it helps that the project that nearly killed me last year turned out to be a major success.
so having not posted much for six months because i was miserably overworked and tired, i'm not posting much now because i'm happily overworked and tired. i have, however, learned the value of time off - seeing how much energy my enforced break gave me, i'm listening to my mind and body more to gauge when to rest. in my job it's never a good time to take a holiday - right now i'm off work because i felt i needed to be, but there are now key meetings that i would like to be at which have fallen into this formerly blank space in my diary. i had to postpone my leave and fly to geneva last monday for one more meeting, but at least that set me free to go for a while.
my breakdown did give me the time to rebuild smallfire.org and smallritual.org, set up on facebook, and generally try to restart my online life - but i haven't achieved much since then! that's what holidays are for...