If worship is a city...

May 2001 'Small Fire' column for Ship of Fools

If worship is a city
is it Singapore or Glasgow?
Rio de Janeiro or Kansas?
London or Lagos?

If worship is a city how varied are the buildings?
If worship is a city are the streets straight or winding?
If worship is a city what dominates the skyline?

If worship is a city is it lovingly preserved?
If worship is a city are there slums close to the centre?
If worship is a city how far do you commute?
If worship is a city are you trying to move in, or trying to move out?

If worship is a city is it friendly to tourists?
If worship is a city what do they buy for souvenirs?
If worship is a city do you drive on the right or on the left?
If worship is a city how long can you park on Sundays?
If worship is a city does it have a one-way system?

If worship is a city where's the pub?
If worship is a city do you hang out after hours or head home?
If worship is a city where are you scared to walk alone at night?
If worship is a city do the streetlights hide the stars?
If worship is a city does it sleep?

If worship is a city
do you take the bus [slow but scenic],
crowd underground [fast across town]
or drive round with the top down looking at the laydeez?

If worship is a city have the malls closed down the corner shops?
If worship is a city who cares about the street people?
If worship is a city who is allowed to protest there?

If worship is a city what do you get when you call the cops?
Starsky and Hutch?
Inspector Morse?
Robocop?

If worship is a city do people smile or pass by?
If worship is a city what happens when you call for help?
If worship is a city how streetwise do you need to be?

If worship is a city who fulfils these stereotypical roles:
the American tourist?
the Japanese tourist?
the immigrant cab driver?
the Australian backpacker?
the drag queen?
White Van Man?
the bartender?
the yuppie?
the vandal?

If worship is a city do you live there?